To paraphrase Anthony Bourdain's "Kitchen Confidential" - the professional painting team is most likely to be a collaborative exertion of a team of wacked-out degenerates. But you don't have to put up with them. You can paint your house yourself.
In painting a house...or painting anything for that matter, preparation is all. If you think the paint will hide a myriad of sins, you're wrong. In fact it will highlight any cracks, holes and blemishes that haven't been properly prepared. The extra exertion you put into doing good preparation pays off in Spades when it comes to the final coat.
Spade Drill Bit
Choose the Right Sandpaper
Don't buy cheap sandpaper like that Chinese stuff or the brown stuff carpenters use. That's rubbish. Go for the white Norton Freecut paper. Yes it's more high-priced but there's a think for that - it lasts longer and doesn't clog up so much as the cheaper papers.
Pick the right grade. Don't try and sand a huge lump of filler with a Fine paper - it'll take forever. Charge it with 80 Grade and then halt off with a Fine Grade like 120 or 180. Don't forget to brush the dust away.
Sanding Block
Use a cork sanding block. Fold the paper in half lengthwise and slit it in two with a putty knife. This will wrap nicely colse to the block and you can keep rotating it until all surfaces are used.
Filling Fine Wall Cracks
Buy a 4kg (10lb) drum of fine wall-filler that you apply with a pair of new wide spatulas. Keep the blades of the spatulas clean and shiny - try not to let filler dry on them. Get the filler that is marked Easy to Sand.
Electric Hand-Sander
If you don't have a lot of filling you can get away with sanding with a cork-block. If you have lots, buy yourself an orbital sander - a light one that fits in the palm of your hand. A two-handed orbital sander covers more area but is tiring to use.
Use Caulking Compound
Buy a box of caulking aggregate tubes and a good gun to apply it with. Make sure its paintable. You'll use a tube or two per room. This makes the distinction between a happy-home-handyman job and a professional finish. Use it in the gaps under the cornice (the moulding colse to the ceiling), in corners and colse to windows and doors. Apply it with finger or thumb and wipe off excess with a damp sponge. Let it skin over before you start to paint or your brush might pull it out.
Go Mad with DropSheets
You can never have too many dropsheets - permissible canvas dropsheets. Plastic, old sheets and newspaper are all next to useless. Beg, borrow or steal permissible tradesmens dropsheets.
Use Good Paint
Cheap paint is cheap because it's thinner. Therefore it doesn't cover as well. All the time use a high-quality paint - not only does it cover good but it flows off the brush or roller good too.
Stir the Paint
Sounds obvious doesn't it? But I've seen it a lot. Mister Do-It-Yourself just opens the can, dips the brush in and goes for it. Disastrous. Especially with enamel (Turpentine or White Spirit based) paint. You need to at least have a decent paddle to stir with - a length of 2"x1" or anything will do. Not dowel or broomstick. They don't work. You can buy a hand-plunger mixer from the hardware but personally I prefer to use a paddle. Even good is a permissible stirrer you attach to an electric drill. But if you don't have that, stir the paint with the paddle in a form Eight pattern first and then in a circular pattern trying to scrape paint off the bottom of the can as you go. Take your time. Repeat the mantra Om.
Thin the Paint
Not all paint is ready to go after its stirred - especially enamel paint. If you find the paint isn't flowing or you're getting brush or roller marks - regularly this means the paint is too thick. When using enamel you need to keep adding thinner (known as ease in the trade) as you go down the can. How much? It's a matter of feel - you want the paint to flow off the brush or roller but you don't want it running down your sleeve or being so thin you can see through it.
Choose Your Brush
Cheap brushes are cheap because they aren't well-made. The absolute bane of painters is to have hairs advent out in your work - especially in gloss work. Bite the bullet and buy decent brushes and look after them - clean them after every use. Religiously. Keep the ferrule (the metal that holds the bristles) clean and free of paint. As you're painting keep scraping the ferrule off on the rim of the can to keep it clean.
Choose Your Rollers
Hey guess what? Roller sleeves or covers are not all the same. Longer naps hold more paint and give a stipple finish. Short naps are used for level surfaces and gloss work. Check the info on the covers to see what you need. Again, buy quality - don't use cheap foam rollers. Go for a good-quality synthetic and clean it after every use.
Applying the Paint
Start with the ceiling. From a step-ladder, cut-in colse to the edges with a 4" brush and then use an extension pole and frame to roll the paint on the ceiling. Load the damp roller with a fair bit of paint - you don't want it dripping but you don't want to be stingey either. Apply the paint across the ceiling and then roll it out lengthwise - working towards the light if possible.
When painting walls some painters prefer to initially roll in a W or M pattern. I don't worry too much about that. I just make sure that I put plentifulness of paint on and then roll it out top to bottom so there are no roller marks.
Clean Up
Clean all your gear fastidiously - you'll appreciate it next time you come to use it. Don't store brushes with the bristles down and store roller sleeves on end. Clean the rim of the paint can before putting the lid back on (some painters even punch holes in the rim so the paint drips back into the pot).
Pour yourself your beverage of selection and propose a toast to the wacked-out degenerates that you've managed to do out of a job.
Painting Confidential - Adventures in the Decorating Underbelly